Week in Review: Closing Doors + Pseudo-Storms

This weekend was t o u g h. The admission decision for my top college choice was released on Friday, and although I knew getting in was a long shot, I felt pretty devastated when I read the rejection letter. Then, I felt guilty for not working harder, improving my SAT scores, and having a higher class rank. I felt embarrassed for even applying and thinking I had a chance. To put the icing on the cake, my internal frustration manifested itself in external anger directed at people who didn’t deserve it. I hate doing that.

The frustration and disappointment is valid. The last four years were challenging, and understandably, I wanted to see the fruition of those efforts. But, throughout the whole process, i.e. finding out the decision and sorting through my emotions, the concept of closing doors stuck with me. I realized that the last few months have been full of closing doors . What I had failed to see is that they aren’t barricades. It might feel like they are, but in actuality, closed doors are rudders, pushing us in a different direction, guiding us where we need to go, not where we think we should go.

Right now, I still feel stuck in a room full of closed doors, but one will open soon, probably the one I least expect. When it does open, it will guide me in the direction I need to go. I’ve been banging my head against closed doors, thinking that my own brute strength will force them open. That made me tired, and moody, and anxious. It’s time to stop.

Now…I trust. I listen. I watch. I knock on the doors that I feel led to but don’t fret when they stay closed. I seek answers confident that, at the right time, I’ll find them.

Thanks for baring with me through that long intro. In true Monday fashion, let’s do a little listing.

Week-In-Review-Button-Final

Thanks Meg for hosting. 

  • Washed a few loads of laundry.
  • Started working on a research project for AP Lit. You can follow along with my progress here if you’re interested.
  • Ran a little. Tapped into my inner yogi a little.
  • Read a few chapters of Invisible Man and begged the writing gods to grant me even a fraction of Ralph Ellison’s literary talent.
  • Drove through my first snow blizzard…well, more of a pseudo-blizzard because although the wind and snow were crazy, it didn’t stick to the ground and the roads were relatively safe. I sense a deeper life metaphor in this, but I’m too tired to dig it out…
  • Bottled my second batch of kombucha.
  • Ate more toast.
  • Met with three lovely humans for breakfast on Saturday.
  • Published the second installment of “Question for You.”
  • Food prepped for the first time in eons: muffins, veggie soup, and roasted acorn squash.

Happy Monday, friends. Spread a little love today. Mondays require an extra dose.


So tell me…

Which doors have closed for you? Where did you end up instead?

Are you a “bang on the door” or “wait for it to open” type of person?

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16 thoughts on “Week in Review: Closing Doors + Pseudo-Storms

  1. I absolutely LOVE your thoughts here girl. Closed doors are hard, especially when they are slammed in your face [metaphorically, of course]. What I have to applaud you for however is even TRYING because that is so much more than I ever did and I’m sure others would say the same! I applied to 3 schools I KNEW I would get into, so rejection was never an issue. Having the courage and the desire to reach higher and strive for something [even if it IS slightly out of reach] is what LIFE IS ALL ABOUT! Good for you for pushing yourself girl and yes, it sucks you didn’t make it but like you said, this is not the end! There are some great opportunities waiting for you girl, so no sticking your head in the sand. Dust yourself off and get to it like I know you can and will ❤

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    1. Argh. Slammed doors are mega frustrating. I’m still feeling a little shaky and sandy, but this too shall pass. Your words were just what I needed to hear. Thank you for the encouragement. You’re awesome. Much love ❤

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  2. I tend to bang on the door, thinking brute force will automatically open it, although it never comes to fruition. I’m impressed you were able to identify as having misdirected angry. So often people can’t even see that in themselves so your maturity and self-analysis is impressive.

    Another door will open and it’ll be the right one.

    P.S. Send me some of that delicious food you prepped please. I could use some. 🙂

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  3. I’m sorry, Evangeline! That’s a tough thing to accept and move on from. I’m feeling like a lot of doors are closing in certain areas of my life recently too. It’s hard to accept the doors closing, when you can’t seem to find the opportunities that are out there still open and waiting!

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  4. Augh! Rejection letters are so emotional. And it’s so hard not to take them personal, even though they aren’t personal at all. When I was a senior in high school, I not only got rejection letters, but I also had to turn down the school I really wanted to go to because my parents couldn’t afford it. It was so tough having a particular dream and a particular path in mind and suddenly realizing it just wasn’t going to be that way.
    That being said, you’re really wise in trying to focus on the opportunities that will arise–and I so hope those opportunities will be wonderful! I’ll bet they will be.
    Driving in the snow is also scary. Glad the roads weren’t too sticky.
    Have fun with your research project! Do you like AP Lit?

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    1. It is SO hard not to take them personally. It feels nasty. I can empathize with your high school experience…especially the frustration with picking and planning a path and then having to move in a completely different direction. Argh.

      On a happier note, I LOVE AP Lit. Reading, analytical writing, vocab, and this research project are majorly pleasing my nerdy self 🙂

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  5. Wowwwww. Your writing and use of metaphor here is phenomenal. I love the idea of closed doors not being barricades. Closed doors suck. And they do happen – theres no point trying to soften that. But yes I am a firm believer that they close for a reason. We may not see this reasoning for 5 – 10 – heck even 40 years from now – but we will see why we were lead a certain way at some point. Silly school not to take you anyways. They’ll regret it.
    Keep that brilliant head held high, girl. Good is coming for you <3.

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    1. Dawww. You sure know how to make a girl blush ❤ You're so right about not seeing the reason until many years into future. It'll be nice to gain perspective over the next few years and be able to look back on these closed doors and see their purpose. Thanks, Cora.

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  6. The right door is on its way to being open I promise. I had one massive door close on me and it was the best thing that ever happened. It’s just a step on your wonderful journey, all will be well 🙂

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    1. I forget so easily that closed doors can be protection from negative experiences. It’s funny how that all works out, and years down the road, we see how wonderful those closed doors really were. Thank you for your kind encouragement, Jen ❤

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  7. So many doors have closed (or never even opened) for me that I was waiting for. I think as you grow up, you learn to wait for doors to open. However, you also gain the maturity to know what doors to seize and thrust open when they feel right.
    God always has a plan.

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